Haunted
by Twix10
Summary: The ghosts of you...they haunt me. No matter where i go, i see you. I cannot escape. A Shuurei/Ryuuki fic.


**Series: Saiunkoku Monogatari**

**Characters: Mainly Shuurei/Ryuuki but with appearances by Shuuei, Kouyou, Seiran, Ensei, Shouka, Sou Taishou, Reishin, Kijin and even Ryou.**

**Disclaimer: Of course I don't own any of these characters. Now please let me cry in peace!**

A/N: Just a story that would not let me sleep until I wrote it. It came about during the Tanabata holidays- hence the theme of separation and longing. Hope you enjoy it, my first SaiMono fic. Reviews and Criticism are always welcome!

**A HAUNTED MAN WILL FIND NO REST...**

He says his goodbyes and watches her go.

It is possibly the second most difficult thing he has ever had to do, only slightly less painful than the first when he had to let her go the first time.

But he holds his ground, his hands clenched tightly in the folds of his robes, fiercely reigning in the urge to grab her and hold her tightly to himself and never let her leave him again.

He knows that she would hate him if he did so he just clenches his fists tighter, drawing bloody half moons in his palm with the effort to hold himself back when the carriage starts to pull away.

She'll be back, he tells himself as the carriage disappears in a cloud of dust. She promised…

Until then he'd be okay...He would work hard so that she would be proud of him and he still had Kouyou, Shouka and Shuuei. He'd be alright…

And he was alright- for all of that first week since she left …

Then one morning, half awake half asleep, he turns away from the sunlight streaking through the windows and finds her there, curled up next to him where she could not in all reality be.

She was lying there just like she normally would, her arms bent and one tucked under her head like a pillow, her lips slightly parted, her dark hair mussed and falling into her face, knees slightly drawn up, breathing softly.

He feels his breath freeze in his throat even as his heart gives a loud irregular and singular thud. He can't believe his eyes…

But he is reaching out to touch her before he can really even process what he is doing. His hands are so close he can feel the heat rising off her body but just as he is about to touch her, she sighs softly and her large brown eyes flutter open.

She stares up at him sleepily, the gaze changing to one of groggy puzzlement when he does nothing and continues to stare.

"Ryuuki, are you okay?"

Her voice is like the sweetest music to his ears, especially when she calls his name and he is so overcome by the sound that he cannot even find his voice to answer her.

Her brows knit in concern and he feels the warmth of her hand on his face as she reaches up to cup his cheek. He turns his face to her palm and his voice finally pushes past the emotions blocking his throat.

"Shuurei."

And with that one word, the illusion is shattered. She is gone and he is alone again.

There wasn't even a dent in the spot she had held only moments ago and when he put his hand there, there are no traces of the body heat that had been so innocently warming him.

Unable to bear the sudden loss, his head falls into the pillow and her scent drifts into his nose, making him want to weep with the unfairness of it all.

_So close,_ he wants to weep, _so close and yet so far away_…

It happens again later in the morning.

This time though, he was in his office, dealing with the paperwork that Kouyou had laid in front of him and halfway through, he just happens to look up and there she was. She was standing by the tree outside his window where they had first met, a soft smile on her face as she enjoyed the breeze passing by, one hand reaching up to tuck a stray tendril back behind her ears. Again, he had reacted and was standing to rush to her before he could reason with himself but she was gone in an instant, the gently falling plum blossoms the only thing left in her wake.

_Only a ghost_, he thinks then, his heart heavy, _only a ghost of her_…

And he works on.

Later though when he hears the sound of her erhu, the music of gems that could only be her, so gentle and comforting, he cannot help the way his heart aches or the silent tears that trail from his eyes.

_Why_, he asks the ghost sitting by his bed with the instrument, the familiar calm smile on her face, _Why do you haunt me so?_

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She was warm, an unbelievably secure feeling engulfing her along with the feeling of contentment. It was strange and yet so nice that she hesitated to drag herself away from it and into the land of wakefulness to discover the reason. Unerringly then, she moved even more to the warmth that was pervading every cell in her body, so comfortable that she really was loathe to open her eyes.

_Just a little more_, she thought to herself sleepily, _a little more of this warmth and then I'll get up_.

But sleep is already slipping away.

She shifts to capture it again in a more comfortable position, attempting to burrow deeper into the warmth simultaneously only to find she couldn't move.

_Eh? _

Her eyes fluttered open sleepily, the panic making her heart thump loudly, pulling her from the comfortable world of sleep.

Her breath catches.

_Ryuuki…_

But the man-child next to her, the source of the secure warmth, sleeps on, unaware of her, his breathing soft and warm against her face because she's so close.

_He's so innocent_, she couldn't help but think then at his childishly sleeping face but then she catches herself. _What am I doing?_ she thinks then. _I shouldn't be admiring him_.

But her eyes stay fixed to is face.

_Such long eyelashes…even though he's a man…so annoying really…and his nose…his lips…he's just too beautiful for a man…_

Her fingers move of their own accord to tuck the straw colored hair that has fallen in his face behind his ears again. But before her fingers touch the silky strands, he is fading away.

A ghost, she thinks feeling lonelier than she's ever felt, only a ghost.

A ghost that has decided to haunt her relentlessly she realises when she meets the redheaded hedonist.

A ghost that appears when he speaks, a ghost that won't let her forget…

A ghost that threatens to tear her heart out of her chest she thinks sadly when she jumps out of her sleep one night, thinking she can hear that frightened sound of his cry, heart thumping, her arms longing to comfort him only to realise she cannot.

She's too far away that even if he screams from his nightmares again, she can do nothing for him and the lonely ghost in her mind's eye makes her heart weep.

_Ryuuki…_

_Why_, she wonders brokenly as her hot tears soak the pillow, her hands white in its grasp on the hairpins he gave her, _why do you haunt me so_?

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He wakes up from his nightmares, alone, shaking and shuddering, gasping, his heart racing. He wants to cry for his loneliness but as he shifts to settle again, he sees her.

Another ghost, he thinks but he still can't resist.

He gets up and reaches for the sleeping girl, her breathing easy and calm and feels shock pervade his body when his fingers meet with a solid surface.

_Not a ghost? _

He wants to weep in relief and happiness that she hasn't disappeared but he settles instead for lifting a strand of her silky dark hair to his nose. It smells like Shuurei…

He presses a gentle kiss to her forehead and her response is a sigh that sounds suspiciously like his name and he almost smiles until he sees the tear that escapes from under her long dark lashes. He pauses, seeing the dark circles under her eyes too. She hadn't been sleeping well it tells him.

_Over-working_, he thinks, then noticing the crystalline pearls again, _or haunted_?

But it's inconsequential, he tells himself as he gently lifts her and deposits her on the bed he just arose from, as inconsequential as how she had gotten there.

She was here and that was all that mattered. She wasn't disappearing. She was real.

He smiled.

She was home and as long as she was, he would chase away whatever demons haunted her.

She doesn't budge even as he crawls in next to her and spoons her into his form. Instead, she sighs and burrows into him even more.

Once she settles, he raises himself up on an elbow to look down at her, his hand rising to brush her smooth cheek…

"Don't leave me anymore, Shuurei," he whispers to her sleeping form, "Don't go."

He studies her a bit longer before, convinced she wouldn't disappear, he fell into an easy sleep, the best sleep he's had in nearly six months.

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The warmth and security engulfing her set off warning bells in her head and the sound made her want to scream in desperation.

_Not again_, she thinks her heart breaking, _I can't take it anymore…this dream or nightmare, whatever it is…_

She tries to hold on to the insulating blanket of sleep, hoping to shield herself from the pain and disappointment of the reality that now plagued her nights but it was already slipping through her fingers.

Her eyes fluttered open to the unfamiliar yet familiar room and she starts in shock. She would have sat up in an attempt to decipher where she was exactly but the vice grip around her middle was preventing her from moving at all…

Her mind slowed as her eyes noticed the broad, white encased chest in front of her, her breathing stilling, her heart slowing at the sight of the straw-colored tendrils that fell easily over the fabric.

If it's a trick, she thinks, she will break. But his gentle breathing is ruffling her hair, his smell fills her nose and his hand on her hip is almost painful.

A tear falls, followed by another and then another…

_So warm_, she thinks as her hands flatten against his broad chest, _so real_…

"Shuurei."

His soft call makes her look up but he's only talking in his sleep.

"Don't go…"

Her heart clenches at the agony in his voice.

"Stay with us," he whispers hauntingly, his hands tightening around her, "Stay with us."

She lifts a hand to smooth the frown that has creased his brow and notices the dark circles under his eyes too. Her eyes soften. He's been working too hard, she thinks, but then he buries his nose in her hair and sighs her name and she understands.

He's been haunted too.

Her fingers trace his face and she smiles.

"I won't leave you anymore," she whispers, then smiles as she adds, "Because you are far more troublesome as a ghost than a man."

Her smile doesn't fade as she lets her head rest against his chest again and her body sighs wholeheartedly in relief when that secure warmth starts to spread through her again.

_I could really get used to this_, she thinks then as the comforting beat of his heart starts to lull her asleep. _Ryuuki, I'm home_.

When her breathing evens out to one in a deep sleep like her partner, nine heads pop up at the window.

"Finally," Ran Shuuei sighs.

"Aa," Li Kouyou agrees, "this was long overdue for both of them."

"It's a good thing we kept in touch, Kouyou," Rou Ensei put in, before shifting to ask, "still, are ya sure you're ok with this Seiran?"

The male in question finally shifts his emerald gaze from the forms of the two people he loved the most in the world and gave a small smile.

"They are happy," he said simply and to him, that was worth all the pain and money in the world.

"Ah… Shuurei. She's so cute when she sleeps," Kou Reishin breathed dreamily then, adding in harsher tones, "But why is that imbecile of an emperor so close to my Shuurei? Does he think it's too late to take him out?"

"Reishin," Kou Shouka called warningly out of the dark.

"Aniue…"

"Baka," Kou Kijin mutters in annoyance but his lips are curved in a smile under his mask nonetheless as he turns back to the two sleeping forms.

"So when do you think we can start expecting the pitter-patter of little princes, Shouka-sama?"

"So-Sou- Taisho, you can't be serious! My Shuurei and that …that…! I'll kill him…or better yet I'll make sure he can never touch her."

"Reishin."

"Can you all just shut up before you wake them?"

All eyes turned to Ryou.

"Bunch of idiots," the boy muttered in annoyance but even he could not help the smile that curved his lips. At least, he thought to himself looking back in on the peaceful smiles, if only for a little while, these poor haunted souls could find some rest.

OWARI

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